Everyone Needs a Father, So Who Wants to Be One

How many podcasts have you listened to this week? How many opinions have you scrolled past? How many "experts" have told you how to live your life, manage your money, fix your marriage, or find your purpose? We're drowning in guides. And yet somehow, we've never felt more lost.

This week at Crowd Church, Matt Edmundson explored a phrase from the Apostle Paul that feels uncomfortably relevant to our information-saturated age. Paul told the church at Corinth: "You have countless guides in Christ, but you do not have many fathers." Not more content. Not more opinions. More dads.

The Problem with Countless Guides

There's fascinating research showing that beyond a certain point, more information actually makes our decisions worse, not better. Psychologists call it "analysis paralysis" — where there's so much input that your mind stalls and can't act on any of it. Information overload is now one of the most frequent sources of stress in our lives.

We have access to more wisdom than any generation in history. Jordan Peterson, Joe Rogan, Tim Keller, countless podcasts and YouTube channels offering guidance on everything from faith to finances. And yet...

None of them know your name.

They're not invested in your life. They won't be there when the advice doesn't work out. They offer influence without investment. And as Matt pointed out, that's a world apart from what Paul was describing.

What Makes a Spiritual Father Different

So what exactly is the difference between a guide and a father? It's not just semantics.

Matt shared a quote, "When my father died, I realised he was the only man on the planet who wanted me to be better than him."

Think about that. In a world built on competition, where everyone's trying to get ahead and protect their position, a father is the one person genuinely cheering when you overtake him. A therapist helps you become functional, then you graduate. A coach helps you reach your goal, then you move on. But a spiritual father? They walk with you for life.

The goal is different, too. Mentorship and coaching almost always point you toward self-actualisation — becoming the best version of yourself, achieving your goals, and building your status. Christian spiritual fatherhood points you toward someone else entirely. The focus isn't you. It's Jesus. The goal isn't a better you. It's Christlikeness.

The Fork in the Road

Matt shared his own story of spiritual fatherhood with Dave Connolly, one of the founding pastors of Frontline Church. Back in 1995, fresh out of university with an accounting and law degree, Matt was excited about his faith and considering moving to America for ministry.

He talked to Dave about it — an older man, wiser in the Lord, whose opinion he valued. And Dave said something unexpected: "Matt, you're at a fork in the road. There are two paths in front of you, and actually it's okay to choose either one. But there's an option you haven't considered. What about staying here? What about volunteering for the church for a year and seeing what God does?"

That conversation changed everything. Matt stayed. He volunteered. That was the year he met Sharon. Everything since — the marriage, the kids, Crowd Church — flows from that fork in the road moment with Dave.

Every year on Father's Day, Matt sends Dave Connolly a card. Because that's what spiritual fathers deserve.

Not Control, But Release

Now, we need to address something important. The idea of spiritual fathers has been weaponised in some church contexts — used to control people, manipulate them, keep them small. Some of you may have experienced that firsthand. And the word "father" itself carries complicated baggage for many.

But Jesus subverts the power dynamic that makes this dangerous. He said: "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them. It shall not be so among you. Whoever would be great among you must be your servant."

A spiritual father isn't above you. They're ahead of you — walking a few steps in front on the same path. And their job is to help you catch up, not keep you behind.

Paul put it this way: "Not that we lord it over you, but we work with you for your joy."

With Dave, Matt describes simply doing life together. If there's a spare ticket to a Liverpool game, Dave will come to Anfield just to hang out (despite being a full-blown Everton fan). Dave often says, "You can hear God just as well as I can. You'll make the right decision. I have no doubt."

That's what releasing looks like. Not control. Not dependency. Just someone genuinely cheering for you, whatever decision you make.

Walking Jen Down the Aisle

Matt shared a beautiful example of what spiritual fatherhood looks like in practice. Jen first connected with the church through a kids' club that Sharon helped run. Years later, Jen moved in with Matt and Sharon as a lodger. She and her twin sister Cat tried to define the relationship — settling on "Brodad" (a weird brother-uncle-dad hybrid they couldn't quite categorise).

When Jen got married, she asked Matt to do the father-of-the-bride thing. He walked her down the aisle. At the end, he leaned over to her soon-to-be husband, Rob and said: "Rob, there are no refunds and no returns, dude."

Then came the speech. And Matt loved every second of it — getting to brag about this woman who'd done so much life with them over the years.

What was happening? Legacy. What Dave passed on to Matt, Matt passed on to Jen. And now Jen is passing it on to others. That's how it works. We give what we've been given.

Conversation Street

Does a spiritual father have to be older than you, both in age and in the faith?

Not necessarily. It's about maturity and being further down the track in specific areas, not about birth certificates. Paul told Timothy: "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." Someone younger might be further ahead in a particular aspect of faith and could speak into that area of your life. It's not about age — it's about faithfulness and being a step ahead on the path.

What about the relationship between biological fathers and spiritual fathers?

They don't have to be different people. Your dad can absolutely be your spiritual father, too. But spiritual fathers can also complement biological fathers beautifully. Will Sopwith shared that his son now talks about someone as a spiritual father — and there's no sense of competition or replacement. It's the beauty of God's bigger family. You get to have multiple voices speaking into your life, and that's a gift.

How do we protect against spiritual control?

The warning signs are clear: when you're not allowed to think for yourself, when you can't disagree, when questioning gets you ostracised. That's control, not fatherhood. A true spiritual father is releasing. They'll give their opinion, but they won't manipulate you with it. And here's the key — it doesn't matter what decision you make, they'll still be there. That's what makes it fathering and not controlling.

Your Next Step This Week

If you're looking for a spiritual father or mother:

• Look for faithfulness, not impressiveness — Someone whose walk with Jesus you want to imitate. It doesn't have to be your church pastor (they're probably insanely busy). Just someone who loves Jesus well.
• Start with coffee — No formal request needed. Just: "I'd love to learn from how you follow Jesus. Could we meet up sometime?" Most people are honoured to be asked.
• Don't panic if they say no — Something else might be going on. Pray and trust God to lead you to the right person.

If you're being called to be a spiritual father or mother:

• You're more qualified than you think — The gospel makes spiritual legacy possible, even when you didn't have a model yourself.
• Just be available — Invite someone into what you're already doing. It doesn't have to be onerous.
• Remember the person waiting for you might be waiting for you — What if they're ready, but wondering if anyone would ever invest in them?

The Father Behind All Fatherhood

Here's the thing: God is the Father from whom all fatherhood flows. Every good experience of fatherly love you've ever had is a shadow of the love of Father God. And every absence, every wound, every disappointment — He's the father who can heal that.

Jesus came so we could be adopted into God's family. Not to earn our way in. Just adopted. And once we've experienced that Father, we have something to pass on.

Everyone needs a father. And everyone, we think, is called to become one.

So who's waiting for you?