What Does The Bible Say About Being A Man?

— Matt Edmundson

This is an important question to answer because there are so many conflicting views about what being a man is all about at the moment. From the belief that the patriarchy is the root of all the world's problems, to absent fathers, to “The Rock” - what should we make of it all? What it means to be a man is one of the most confusing ideas in our current culture. So to take a few minutes and look at what the Bible has to say has to be worth our while.

How Do Men Differ From Women According To The Bible?

I want to reiterate at the start that here at Crowd Church, we believe God did make us male and female, and in so doing made us different. There are differences biologically, some of which are obvious. He created men for a reason and women for a reason. I think God celebrates that and we should too. It is OK to be different, but that difference between us does not result in different value or worth. We believe that men and women are created equal, of equal value and equal worth. Men are not superior to women and women are not superior to men. When the Lord God formed us, we believe that he made it so that men and women do not differ in worth, value, or contribution. Men are not the root of all the world’s problems, nor are women. We believe that sin is the root of all problems, not gender. And to be honest, most of what we are talking about today applies equally to the sexes, but there are a few things that the Bible singles out for men.

What Does The Bible Say About Masculinity?

Wild at heart was a book released in 2001. It has been a best seller ever since and was based on the author's idea that men, especially Christian men, were pressured into becoming nice guys and had lost their passion and adventure in life.

I don’t know if you have heard of this book or even read it, but what fascinates me is not so much the content of the book but rather that a lot of men felt there was a need for the book. Men had somehow lost their masculinity and needed someone to give them permission to embrace their identity as men. Men everywhere needed to rediscover the passion of this God-life.

96% of the reviews on the book are four stars and above. That’s a lot of positive reviews. Yet, as you read through the negative reviews, it becomes apparent that most of them have been added recently rather than when the book first came out over 20 years ago. Why? It seems, in these modern times, it is no longer valid to use gender to explain why you may like or dislike certain things.

One reviewer of the book wrote: There are many opinions on how we should behave, or more recently, that we do not behave as men have in the past.

So being a man, even in the church, is being challenged again. And if you want to know my opinion, I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. Nor is it necessarily a good thing. I think it is good to challenge ideas, norms, and stereotypes, but that goes both ways.

So What Does The Bible Say About The Role Of A Man?

Over the years, I have often used the phrase, "Man up", but, I've realised, that phrase can have all kinds of connotations that are not helpful for men. It’s a phrase I am trying to use in a much more measured way because one of our stereotypes of men is that we bottle things up and don’t show weakness. And that is wrong. This is not manning up. But the Bible also talks about this:

“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”

-- 1 Corinthians 16:13

So the Bible tells us to act like men. But what does that mean? Is this the Bible telling us, in effect, to man up?

So what I want to do is draw out some of the traits of what it means to act like men , and to do that, I want to zoom in on some verses from the New Testament, specifically 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9. In these two portions of Scripture, the Apostle Paul gives his readers advice on what to look for in men that are to become leaders. What are some of the characteristics that he is looking for?

Before we get into Paul's 19 tips to becoming the ultimate male, let me tell you what it doesn’t say - because that is important. I don’t want you to listen to this list with some kind of bias. It doesn’t say:

• to rule over women,

• be crazy aggressive,

• bury your head in the sand,

• emotions are a sign of weakness

• you have to have an interest in sports and lift weights.

So what do you think would be on that list?

What Does The Bible Say Is A Good Man?

Gene Getz wrote a book called The Measure of Man that looked at these two scriptures in depth. He summarised them as this:

1. Above reproach (a man of good reputation - unquestionable integrity)

2. The husband of one wife (morally pure)

3. Temperate (balanced in words and actions)

4. Prudent (wise and humble)

5. Respectable (good role model)

6. Hospitable (unselfish and generous)

7. Able to teach (communicates sensitively in a nonthreatening and non-defensive manner)

8. Not addicted to wine (not addicted to substances)

9. Not self-willed (not self-centred and controlling)

10. Not quick-tempered (void of anger that becomes sinful)

11. Not pugnacious (not abusive)

12. Gentle (sensitive, loving, and kind)

13. Peaceable (nonargumentative and non-divisive)

14. Free from the love of money (nonmaterialistic)

15. Manages his own household well (a good husband and father)

16. Loving what is good (pursues godly activities)

17. Just (wise, discerning, nonprejudiced, and fair)

18. Devout (holy, devoted to God)

19. Self-controlled (disciplined)

That’s an interesting list, isn’t it? And men, that list will be on our website so make sure you copy it and regularly review it. Does it look like the list you had in your mind? Is this what acting like a man is like?

And ladies, you are not excused from these characteristics. You can't abdecate your responsibility to the men here. Sorry. That said, I am addressing men specifically here because I think we need to bring some Biblical balance back to masculinity and this is a good starting place. As a man that has been around for a few years, men need to measure themselves against this list.

And I would love to unpack each of these characteristics for the next 19 weeks, but I will have to save that for another time! So let’s jump on a few of them:

Above Reproach (a man of good reputation - unquestionable integrity)

Acting like men means being above reproach. This is an old fashioned word that we don’t use that much these days. Some translations use the word blameless. This doesn’t mean that we need to be perfect, far from it. But we should have unquestionable integrity - Paul talks about how a man of God should have a good reputation.

When the early church faced a significant problem, the apostles said,

“…seek out from among you seven men of good reputation…”

-- Acts 6:3 (ESV)

They were looking for men with a good reputation to solve a critical problem. A man of good reputation is spoken well of by those around him, especially his family and those that truly know him. And the Bible places a large emphasis on being men of good reputation.

The thing about reputation is that it takes a long time to build but a moment to destroy. Reputation is a long term investment into your character, making difficult decisions in difficult times. It's not the most straightforward thing to develop. You can't buy this, can you? You can't apply for it or get a scholarship. Reputation is forged over time. And it's worth doing. It's Biblical to be a man who is above reproach, a man of unquestionable integrity and a good reputation.

I find this deeply challenging and slightly uncomfortable if I'm honest, because it is asking a lot of me as a man.

Hospitable (unselfish and generous)

Another thing that characterises a man of God is being hospitable, unselfish and generous. This is not something that I would expect to be on the list. It wouldn't be in my blog post: 19 steps to becoming the ultimate man that's for sure.

Be hospitable. Welcome people into your home, into your community, into your tribe. And this is not just about being hospitable to your close family and friends. This is about being hospital to the stranger too.

Historically, the church has been pretty good at being hospitable. But if I can push a little here, it's usually because of our amazing wives rather than ourselves.

Be hospitable. Be kind, generous, and welcoming to people, even people you don't know.

This is more than just a meal. Often it is about being willing to be inconvenienced for the sake of others. When Paul wrote this list of characteristics that men should aim for, he wrote to people who mainly lived in one-room houses. And if they did have two rooms - the second room was a guest room. Think about how much of their homes would be devoted to hospitality. You can see how this would be a massive inconvenience, especially if you only have one room to live in. In the UK, we live in houses with an average of 5.2 rooms, yet we are significantly less hospitable. The bigger our houses get, the bigger the walls get around them.

I find this deeply challenging and uncomfortable too. I'd much rather someone tell me that I should learn to fire a bow and arrow to be a man of God. But the Bible doesn't say that. It talks about being hospitable.

Be of good reputation. Be hospitable. And then Paul talks about men needing to be just (wise, discerning, nonprejudiced, and fair).

Oh my.

Just (wise, discerning, nonprejudiced, and fair)

I think this is so counter-cultural at the moment. Culture is not just, especially because people find it impossible to take responsibility. They only 'own up' if they get caught out, or it is made public.

I heard a great quote that we judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our intentions. That's not just. It's not right. Men are to be just, wise, discerning, non-prejudiced and fair.

It's really challenging, isn't it? That is hard to do, and it is really hard to understand what that means when all your see around you is a cancel-culture that still likes to operate in the shadows and secrecy to get away with as much as they can, that pushes all of the blame onto someone else and accepts zero responsibility for their own lives.

So what can we do when faced with ideas that are so counter-cultural? Where do we learn what it means to be a man?

What It Means To Be A Christian Man

The good news for us is that all of these characteristics, all of these qualities, are found and demonstrated in Christ.

Jesus shows us what it means to be a man. He is above reproach and has unquestionable integrity. He is faithful to His word; his yes is yes, and His no is no. He has a good reputation. No character throughout human history has had a reputation like Him.

Jesus shows us how to be hospitable and care for people that are strangers, that don't deserve His mercy. He shows us how to respond to people who are different to us and how to be extraordinarily kind and generous to people. He was a big hit with children and also made time for people, both men and women. Jesus shows us that love really does win and that it really will change the world when people see his kindness.

He shows us what real justice is all about. He advocates being meak, which means having a hidden strength. But He also turned tables over in church and threw out corruption and injustice. He shows us that justice starts with ourselves and how personal responsibility and personal accountability can lead to world transformation. He shows us that mercy and justice are interwoven and how one without the other doesn't work.

Jesus is the ultimate male role model and hero. He shows us what it means to be a man and how being a man of God is still radically counter-cultural. And it if sounds difficult, it sounds hard to do, and that's because it is. Being a man of God is not straightforward. It demands a lot from you.

So Jesus not only shows us what it means to be a man, He helps us become that man too. When we walk with Him, we see what being a man is all about. And through His Holy Spirit, He transforms us into God-men as long as we stay humble before him, listen to him and do what He tells us to do.

“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

-- 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV)

He is all about making us whole and complete. He is about equipping us. Amazing really. That's the gospel - he has not left us alone. Brilliant! Being a Christian man is all about recognising that is a high calling and that you cannot do it apart from Him, so you receive His help, His grace sometimes willingly, sometimes begrudgingly! But I tell you what, my experience is that this is the most exciting journey to be on! It is one heck of an adventure!

“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”

-- 1 Corinthians 16:13 (ESV)

Act like men. This idea has hopefully become a bit clearer. But notice the context in which Paul wrote this - being watchful, standing firm in the faith, be strong. These all talk about the ability to stand for the long term. And that's critical. To become a man of God is intentional. It is also a long term investment; it is about daily choices that happen over the years.

I don't know about you, but that sounds like something worth devoting my life to. I won't be perfect. I'll mess up. But Jesus can handle my failures. It's my inaction that He has a hard time with. So I'll keep going, working on this because it is so worth it. Jesus, would You help all of us to become men of God?