Matt Edmundson kicks off our new relationships series by looking at our most important relationship of all, our relationship with God, our Father. Matt tackles one of the most fundamental questions we face as Christians (what does it actually mean to be called a child of God?) by exploring the often misunderstood topic of biblical adoption and why God chose this specific language to describe our relationship with Him.

Second Best or Chosen Best?

Before exploring what adoption meant in Paul's time, Matt was honest about his own struggle with the concept of adoption. Like many of us, he'd unconsciously viewed adoption as second best, like God was saying, "Well, you're not my real children, but I'll take you anyway."

This bias shifted when Matt got to know people at Frontline Church who had adopted children - families like Adam and Jo Drury, who adopted twins, and Phil Watson. Watching these families helped him see adoption differently, but it wasn't until he understood Roman adoption that everything clicked.

Paul writes in Romans 8:15: "You did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back again into fear. But you have received the spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, Abba, Father."

That word "Abba" - it's not just theological language. It means daddy, dad, pops. It's intimate, personal, secure.

Understanding the Roman Context

When Paul wrote about adoption to the church in Rome, he wasn't talking about adopting babies. In Roman culture, they adopted adults - people who had already proven their character, ability, and strength.

Romans had a saying: "Adopting an adult heir, the father could see what he was getting." They weren't taking chances on a baby who might not survive in a world where one third of children died in their first year.

Adoption was more permanent than natural birth: In Roman law, you could legally disown a natural child through something called "emancipatio." But you could never disown an adopted child. Ever. Why? Because adoption was a legal transaction witnessed by seven people, it involved a complete transfer of authority.

The adopted person received everything: A new name, a new identity, and became heir to everything - often over natural children.

Once adopted, that was it. Permanent. Irrevocable. Forever.

What This Means for Monday Morning

Matt shared how this understanding transformed his perspective on trying to earn God's approval. We've all got our versions of this - maybe it's faith ("If I just had enough faith, then God will..."), emotional confirmation ("If I feel God's presence strongly enough..."), theological knowledge ("If I just understand doctrine perfectly..."), or good works (measuring worth by small group attendance or cakes baked for church).

But when you understand you're God's permanently adopted child, it changes how you think about everything:

• Monday morning's business crisis - you're still his child.
• That relationship falling apart - you're still his child.
• The diagnosis that terrifies you - you're still his child.
• That failure you can't forgive yourself for - you're still his child.

Nothing can change your adopted status. Paul writes it plainly in Romans 8:38-39: "Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Conversation Street

During Conversation Street, the discussion got properly deep into what this adoption means practically.

The Choice in adoptions

Matt pointed out that there are actually two parties in Roman adoption. The adopter and the adoptee. As adults, the adopted person had to make a conscious choice to leave their previous family and accept adoption into the new one.

There's a thread here about choice, about deliberately deciding to allow God to adopt you. This can happen young or old, instantly or over time, but there has to be that conscious decision.

What's the cost of being adopted into God's family?

Anna said, "The cost is also your life, you know, saying to God, I want to have a relationship with you and I'm willing to give you every part of my life in exchange for all that you offer me."

But she was quick to add: "The exchange by my reckoning is a pretty good one. It's like my rubbish life for everything that God has to offer."

Ellis commented that the cost is "giving up the illusion of control" - and that cuts right to the heart of it.

What if you've had a difficult relationship with your earthly father?

Anna raised this important question, and Matt's response was both pastoral and practical. If you've had a negative relationship with your dad, it's easy to project those characteristics onto God, even subconsciously.

Matt's encouragement: "I would encourage you to pray this through and allow God to renew in you a fresh image of what a good father can be... Just bring to God those things that you are projecting on him from your own experiences and allow God to heal that and to renew your mind."

Anna added something crucial: "I think it's worth thinking about that regardless of whether you think you've got a good relationship with your dad or not... there's probably things that are quite skewed about how we think about fatherhood regardless of our backgrounds."

What Changed - Security to Live Freely

Matt told a story about Saturday mornings as a kid, lying on the sofa watching cartoons while his mum would bang on the ceiling when she wanted tea. He and his brother would argue about whose turn it was, annoyed at the interruption.

"We take our mums for granted, don't we? Of course she'll be there. Of course she's gonna provide, of course she's gonna protect. That's what security does. It frees you to live without constantly questioning the relationship."

When you understand you're God's permanently adopted child, you stop performing for acceptance you already have. You stop fearing rejection that literally cannot happen. You stop trying to earn what's freely given.

As Matt put it: "We don't need to fight FOR our place, but we can fight FROM our place."

Your Next Step This Week

Matt challenged anyone who's been trying to earn what they already have: Stop.

Here's what to try instead:

• Stop performing for acceptance: You already have it through adoption, not through achievement.

• Stop fearing rejection: It literally cannot happen. The papers are signed in Christ's blood.

• Stop wondering if you're enough: You're not. None of us are. That's why grace exists.

• Let God be your father: Don't model Father God entirely on your earthly father. Let him show you what perfect fatherhood looks like.

• Remember your identity: You're a co-heir with Christ. That's not just a nice phrase - it has eternal consequences.

Chosen, Not Accidental

Matt talked about when his eldest son, Josh, was born. Sitting up late one night, giving Josh his feed while Sharon slept, Matt found himself watching Star Wars with his newborn son.

"In that quiet moment, holding this very tiny contented boy, with all kinds of uncertainty and questions swirling through my mind, I think I finally understood something about God and my relationship with him."

Josh hadn't earned Matt's love. He couldn't earn it. In some respects, he was doing the exact opposite - being demanding, not giving, crying and needing constantly. Yet he was Matt's son.

God's love is like that, but infinitely more secure. As Matt put it: "You are not accidentally his. You are not conditionally his. You're not temporarily his. He has intentionally chosen you to be permanently, legally, and irrevocably his."

Hope for the Journey

Maybe you've been banging your head against the wall trying to feel worthy of God's love. Maybe you've been measuring your relationship with him by how well you're performing spiritually. Maybe you're exhausted from trying to be good enough.

Here's what Matt wants you to know: that baby watching Star Wars didn't need to understand the plot or follow the dialogue. He just needed to be fathered. He was safe because he was with his dad.

Some of us have been trying so hard to earn what we already have. This week, perhaps it's time to stop performing, stop fearing, stop wondering if you're enough, and simply let God be your father.

You're adopted. The papers are signed. The Holy Spirit himself is your witness. And unlike Roman adoption, this one extends beyond death into eternity.

Nothing missing, nothing broken, complete in every part - whole relationally because we have a relationship with God as our father. It's the foundation of all other relationships because we're not just loved by God.

We are his forever.