Why Is It Important To Have Good Friends

welcome to this week's crowd church service we are a digital Church on a quest to discover how Jesus helps us live a more meaningful life we are a community a space to explore the Christian faith and a place where you can contribute and grow I want to invite you to connect with us here at crowd church and there are a few ways that you can do just that firstly you can engage with Crow from any device and if you're up for it why not invite a few friends over and experience the service together you see church is all about connecting with God and connecting with others and one of the easiest ways for you to do that is to also Join one of our midweek groups where we meet online together to catch up and discover more about the amazingness of Christ chist you can also subscribe to our podcast called what's the story where we Deep dive into stories of faith and courage from everyday people more information about all of these things that I've mentioned can be found on our website at www.c crow. or you can reach us uh on social media at crowd church if you're new to crowd or new to the Christian faith and would like to know what your next steps to take are well why not head over to our website crowd. church sln next for more details and now the moment you've been waiting for is here our online church service starts right now so welcome to crowd online church we are in the non-live live stream on bonfi night yes we are uh if you're watching this hope you're having a safe bonfy night if you're outside of the UK wondering what bonfi night is probably best to Google it because it's a funny old thing now if you don't know me my name is Matt I lead crowd online church and beside me this good-looking fellow is uh Tony Udin who's my one of my best mates from London who also pastors a church called Tower Hamlet's Community Church down there and we thought it'd be fun uh in this week's service just to chat about some things that we see in the church just having a just we've no idea where the conversation's going to go but it's just interesting when two blos get together have known each other for a little time and see where the conversation goes so Tony welcome to crowd man great to have you hey it's great to be here again it's been a while right yeah it has well you know all the complaints last time we thought you got in trouble with Y we thought we should probably take it easy for a little bit so it's good to have you back on man it's been too long definitely been too long now um You and I have been just to give some context you and I have been friends since University days uh which was 1991 was that when we went to UNI was it 92 92 it was 92 long 31 years ago well I'm older than I look but I don't know about you I just look older than I am uh which is I was about to go there but you church we got to be kind right apparently Christians can't laugh you know apparently that's one of the things I've been told um I was talking to someone the other day uh on WhatsApp a young lady's got in touch with us over the WhatsApp had a few questions uh and just having a lovely chat with her and she said to me she said Matt you really should do the radio thing because your voice is quite mesmerizing and I saidwell funny you should say that I've got a mate who always tells me I've got a great face for radio know even as you were saying that I was kind of like well this is well you know things need to be independently verified yeah apparently apparently so apparently so so uh it's fair to say uh Tony that you and I have been friends for a very long time uh and we do like to Banter it was I I do remember a few years ago when when you used to be in quite a lot of church leader type meetings and I'd find out about it and I'd text you probably quite inappropriate things to see if I can get you to smile and laugh in the meetings the funny thing is the word quiet but we'll leave [Laughter] it absolutely absolutely so if you are just tuning in to crowd church we are doing a non-live live stream this is where we don't have live hosts but we are putting a live stream out the reason we're not having live hosts this week is because it's bonfi night um and we're just everyone's just having in some respects who works in cr's just having a bit of an evening off with the family which is great so I'm recording this non live live stream with my good friend Tony uh and so Tony let's talk about friendship man cuz you and I have been friends for a long time you've just done a teaching series at your church uh on friendship you just said so I thought that'd be a good place to start yeah we we realize that I think increasingly in our culture in our day and age there's a real need to encourage people to build stronger and deeper friendships and I think there's a lot in our culture and society that actually works against friendship yeah and um you know I had this you know when you sometimes you have these light bulb uh moments don't you you're having a conversation with someone and it something they say really makes sense and I was talking to somebody who uh runs a student Ministry and they said so it's typically with University students and they said you know years ago we started talking to people a lot about friendship evangelism and that's just in the context of everyday friendships uh sharing the good news of who Jesus is and what he's done and so that's friendship evangelism and and they said that you know we always used to teach people that and people would work hard on how do you present your faith in a relevant way in your relationships and then they said but increasingly we realize that was one step down the road because people didn't 18 19 year olds coming in struggled to understand what friendship is and they said that they realized before they talked about friendship evangelism they needed to talk some more about what friendship is and that kind of got me going on a journey and then as we talked as a staff team about what the needs are in our church and I think particularly because we've seen an awful lot of growth in the last uh 18 months and lots of new people and and just the need to go deeper and build friendship so we I think we had four or five talks just looking at you know what does it mean to build friendships what does it mean to be a friend what are some of the examples of friendship we see and what are some of the challenges um and I think it was really really rewarding there's a great book out now by a guy called Phil Knox who's just written uh a book on friendship as well okay and Name Escapes me at this moment but that's because I'm heading to that kind of age but if you Google Phil Knox and friendship I think he works for the Evangelical Alliance and yeah it's a brilliant book around friendship and what does it mean to to build friendships and you know the more I looked at scripture and the more I looked at the gospels I saw that Jesus didn't recruit a team of workers but he built a team of friends and I think our churches would be a lot more healthy uh uh our lives a lot more holistic if we worked rather than just on getting stuff done but on building friendships yeah um and as you say you know you know you and I have been friends for something like 31 years now now and I think just having friendships that have longevity to them yeah is so important it's so important friendships aren't really disposable um and we all need friends you know there's some frightening statistics you know one in three men say they have no close friends no way one in Three Men and well and to be fair I I know there's a guy I see every week is a an older chap in his 70s um he's in his mid 70s he's never really had any friends yeah his whole life he's a very lonely man and he's never really had any friends his whole life and you he doesn't actually know how to be a friend do I mean and he doesn't know how to receive friendship cuz it's never happened um he got sort of ridiculed and teased when he was a kid and so he never sort of developed that friendship you know sort of went inward to protect himself a little bit that's a shocking stat man one in three yeah and there's another one that I read that like said something like 40% of young adults say they often or always feel lonely wow and then you know part of the research for this series got me looking at uh friendship and loneliness and this kind of term of a a loneliness epidemic and actually there's a there's a government Lon less are who knew it I mean probably because he working on his own or something but there is a government loneliness and they realize this is having a huge societal impact um and and and the need to be with someone to to be with others to connect to share Heart it's an intrinsic part of Being Human um you know I think Co almost to us that isolation is a good thing um I seeing more and more generation of young people particularly sort of 16 17 18 that have kind of almost been uh mentored into social contact being being a a threat yeah uh and then you combine that with the anonymity of online life digital stuff and it's quite a toxic cocktail and I think as a culture we're going to increasingly see what happens when people become isolated I think you know even in terms of societal uh danger and stuff the the radicalization of often young vulnerable men yeah at home who feel isolated feel that their their lives don't matter um and you can see that and again just another frightening thing I I read something even this week about how AI is being used for some prettyy bad purposes and it talked about um uh somebody who recent there was a case recently somebody commits suicide after basically an AI chat bot goed them into it yeah now obviously someone's had to design that thing but it's I think it's symptomatic isn't it and and I look at Jesus now I'm a pastor of course I'm going to look at Jesus well you should do yeah you look just before he's arrested the last thing he wants to do uh is he goes to the upper room with his disciples and he shares a meal with them yeah and uh it I think there's something in that sometimes we can I think all all a lot of wrong ideas about Jesus come from either underestimating his Humanity or is Divinity and it's one of the Paradox that Jesus is fully God and yeah and but the idea of Jesus and his Humanity like imagine if you or I knew that tomorrow we would be arrested and brutally executed what what would we want to do how how would you want to spend that time and I guess right now at church we've got a number of people really quite serious illnesses and one of the interesting things about talking to them is that it says it's really focused how they spend time yeah because when your time might might be limited suddenly there's a new priority and I believe Jesus priority is simply to be with his friends and together to pray and be with God the Father yeah and and I think if if Jesus and I believe he was is the best example of what it is to be truly and fully human then we need to understand that if we don't even have that desire to be with others uh often and regularly and share Heart with them then there's something wrong yeah no I'm with you and so Jesus just takes this time with his disciples and he shares his heart there's this incredible sense where you know you see Jesus just pouring out his heart he's talking to them about the future he's talking to them about the father he's talking to them about their need to love one another and he says I you know I don't call you servants I call you you friends yeah um so yeah I I think it's I think it's modeled in Jesus but I think we have to really look at what are um some of the things that that hold us back from developing strong friendships so what would you it's it's a fascinating Point here bud because I I I totally agree with what you're saying in terms of um having one of the things that I I I've said to a lot i' I've worked with a lot of wealthy people over the years a lot of very wealthy people and one of the things I always kept coming back to was they all felt all of them most of them felt quite Lonely People The Wealth had isolated them in a lot of ways and as a nation we are whether you would agree or not I suppose depend on your personal circumstances we're quite a wealthy nation in the UK right um even those that would appear below the poverty line are still relatively speaking quite a wealthy people set um especially when you compare it with the rest of the world right and it seems the wealthier we become uh the more isolated we become as Nations and so you take the states again you've got a very wealthy Nation become quite isolated become quite lonely you take probably the the big one for me would be Japan you know you've got Japanese men in that Nation who will only talk to robots or to AI they don't actually know what you know personal human interaction is all about and so it's I think I can see that we are becoming more isolated I then couple that with you know the stats you said about warning Three Men and how um young men are the most likely people group to commit suicide um so you have things like campaign against living miserably or calm you know which are all geared towards pre male suicide prevention and so loneliness has become an epidemic and we see Jesus model in Friendship uh and even Jesus and his need for friendship um so we I think people will sit here and they'll listen to it and go I okay well how do I how do I develop friends then I guess that's probably practically what do you think we can do about it well again I think part of the TR problem is most of us don't see good friendships lived out and particularly as men we we often see kind of this idea that uh somebody as an island or the the kind of strong silent type who keeps himself to himself or the owner um so I think we need to see it modeled more yeah I think as as men we need to be purposeful about including others we need to be purposeful about making our need for relationship known because yeah here's the thing right friendships and human relationships are essentially reciprocal and so what typically happens is we meet someone and the level of intimacy is basically determined by someone's willingness to open up so what happens is two people meet they start a friendship and it might be over something basic like football or whatever but they start a friendship off and there's something that clicks but then without the willingness of one of them to go deeper nothing changes very true so so I think it's a intentional decision to open myself up and to be vulnerable knowing that it's in my vulnerability that that can be reciprocated yeah um and it's choosing to let somebody else in yeah and I think that's that's a big thing it it it means being the initiator yeah and you know when you start doing that it's incredible how much other people uh actually are looking for this stuff they want to respond um and just how how much that improves our well-being I mean even even like you know part of my world is often working with people with addictions and you know even the idea of a 12ep group and the idea that somebody goes to a group group and simply hearing someone else be vulnerable even if they don't take part much themselves help someone to maintain their sobriety because humans are made for intimacy when we don't have intimacy that's when addictive and compulsive Behavior really finds a way out of us and um and so even this idea of just our need for intimacy and seeing somebody else open up and the wellbeing that has on us yeah is incredible um super powerful so I think that that thing about you know how do we how do we initiate intimacy how do we be the people that open ourselves up first um and I think also it's a part of that is is realizing that one of the things that holds people back from that is most of us just don't feel adequate okay so if if you go beneath the veneer um we feel inadequate and we feel like we're going to get exposed as a fraud yeah and you right back to Adam and Eve right you know I was ashamed because I was naked and so I hid so in other words our fractured relationships with our fractured relationship with God fractures our relationships with each other yeah and we're hiding stuff yeah and because of that there's often an insecurity that if people really knew me they wouldn't like what they see and I think there's a profound sense in which most people suffer from that you know in in professional terms we you know we'd um we'd talk about impostor syndrome or whatever you know but I think actually in human relationships a lot of people feel that way yeah yeah no I I I totally get it I so much there but so this idea of modeling friendship I think is incumbent on us as leaders and I think it's incumbent upon anybody that actually has good friendship you know we Sharon and I um I I remember I mean my parents got divorced when I was nine so I never really saw a happy marriage my parents gotten while we growing up but never really saw a happy marriage and then I lived with Nick and Jen I used to hang out with Dave and Julie the founders of the church uh here in Liverpool and I saw modeled to me what happy marriage could be like and I thought oh man you can actually have a happy marriage right um and so here I am married 25 years later now um and it's still happy by the way everyone pleased to know still happy um but it's it was this whole idea of model like living doing life with Nick and Jen and Dave and Julie it wasn't what so much what they said it was so much what they did and what I saw modeled um and so we take that we've we've we've done that in our house we have a fairly sizable house so we've got three Lodgers living with us at the moment three people if you don't know what a lodger is basically just can be part of the family um you you take one of the rooms in the house and you just become part of the family we have three of them at the moment all from very different walks of life and because I'm really Keen that we model family and that we mod model marriage it's an interesting idea then to extend that to Friendship how do you model friendship so um we I'm a you know I'm a bit of a Liverpool fan as you are tone as well we do like and it's amazing actually with men how much football is the initiator of many conversations um and so all what I do every time Liverpool playing the game as I part of my don't know if I'd call it Ministry but part of my intentionality is right I'm going to subscribe to Sky Sports I'm going to get the football on and I'm just going to have a WhatsApp group and I'm going to say guys come around I'm going to throw some food on the barbecue we're going to eat we're going to hang and we're going to chat and sometimes the chat's meaningless nonsense about football quite often stuff will come up that you know we can um just talk through and and pray about um but it's that sort of intentionality isn't it that that whole doing doing it on purpose and then opening up to other people you know we're always inviting people to the football thing but here's a question for you on the whole vulnerability thing right um because this has come up time and time again when I've talked to people about friendship you know and and going deeper and being vulnerable with folks they they'll say yes I did that somebody but they did dot dot dot right they there's some kind of betrayal or there's some kind of let down often because the other person doesn't know how to deal with your issue or your level of vulnerability and so cuz that experience was bad people then shrink back right yeah and and I think that's real but I think you know the openness intimacy vulnerability opens us up to pain but a world without openness intimacy and vulnerability brings all an even bigger more permanent sense of pain yeah and I think it's it's being able to see that in taking a risk the risk is worth it and you know I've just loved you know some of the Proverbs that talk about friendship and one of those says in Proverbs 12 the righteous choose their friends carefully yeah and you know I so I'm all for you know you know an appropriateness with that but I think as well that part of that is if I'm going to be secure in myself then I I'm prepared to to take a risk on what if someone betrays me and again you know in this series on friendship I was really struck if you look at Jesus in The Garden of Geth so just let's just rewind so Jesus has this meal shares his heart even talks about the fact that he's going to be betrayed they go they go to uh the garden uh they go uh Jesus goes to pray and as they're praying Jesus says look I need you to be with with me and pray and the guys around him fall asleep and he goes back and he says look guys I just I'm in need of you at the moment you know just watch and be ready and they fall asleep and basically happens three times like here are these guys and each time Jesus like imagine what that's like you know you've poured yourself into these guys you know you're about to give your life for them you've invited them into that real special place of intimacy is you go to pray and be with God the father and they let you down and then you let them back in and they and I just see in in that a a willingness to to take a risk and to realize that um you know part of the joys of human relationship require us to open ourselves to the prospect of pain but then pain is part of Being Human yeah and and and I guess in in a a bigger sense I think one of the one of the huge things is that our culture right now is one of expressive individualism oh yes so let me unpack that a bit so that's where I am at the center of my world and my whole world is essentially defined by me and my interactions with others are basically defined by me being my true self M and it's other people's job to celebrate me and that's so much of the the problems we have in our relationships now are because our aspirations of friendships are that everything about my friendships should celebrate me yeah and that's turning things on its head because traditionally historically in culture we'd find our meaning in relationships we'd find our meaning in work in responsibilities but the big shift and I think incredibly so over the last 20 years or so is that rather than finding um meaning in relationships and with others now I find meaning inside myself that I am the creator of meaning and that's such a huge burden the idea that that I've just got to find what's truly me and let everybody else celebrate the true me yeah that's a burden we just can't cope with because we weren't created to be the creator of meaning in ourselves but to find meaning with others I think that creates such a burden yeah and it means that we hide away from True friendships or it means that as we get wealthier as a society this something you talked about earlier we're more wealthy than ever but we're more miserable yeah because the wealth has come with this sense of um kind of needing to celebrate the greatness of who I am and most of us just ain't that great I'm not that great you certainly ain't that great bro and and and as we but if that's our expectation it is yeah and we're not going to let people in yeah and we are gonna we are going to become confused about our identity we're going to be confused about what and then look for identity and meaning in in weird cont versions or idealized or imagined versions of ourselves yeah it's never yeah I totally I totally see it and you you it's interesting isn't it you know we they talk about neoliberalism don't they in the terms of are we in a neol liberalistic society which started with Reagan and Thatcher which prioritized work right so work was the big thing and you worked hard and if you worked hard you can achieve the American dream or the British dream or whatever it is is and that led to burnout because people were working crazy hours and so now we we sort of shifted that a little bit um you know have do we still work crazy hours probably we do um but actually we've turned stuff into work so uh for example you take something like social media this constant need to create content so you can't just go to a restaurant now and enjoy a meal with with people you know with your friends you can't just know you have to take a photo and then you have to put that photo with a caption and some hashtags on it so now what was rest or friendship or relaxation has become work um and so we are we are just burn out we don't we're so so fatigued by this whole thing yeah that actually the thing which gets sacrificed in all of this is the space to be with friends to be with real friends friends who have chosen and wisely not just a fell down the pub where you can moan about you know Joe Biden's latest policy or the fact that Trump might be coming back or Boris Johnson or whoever you want to moan about today um that's not what I'm talking about it's more we we it feels like we've become so busy because we've become so wealthy that you can see the different things get sacrificed well let's just sacrifice our friendships we're not going to meet up with them as much and even actually postco it's like I don't want to go back to church anymore cuz I I'm I'm so busy with these other things you what I mean and these things sort of get knocked out whilst we're trying to maintain this sort of ucif identity over here whatever that is for ourselves you know this belief that we have to and Caesar Kalinowski calls it the do to be Li I've got to do this to be somebody or something right yeah and and I think that's that's so damaging isn't it because it it perpetuates um just a a lack of reality um I think as well if we really are honest we have created a situation where we've made Community optional and again this is where the whole the whole piece like so again my world a lot of it is church world right so what I see for example in the gossip and in the book of act what I see in the book of Acts particularly the acts chap CH 2 Acts chapter 4 gives two pictures of what the early church was like yeah and it says that they held things in common that they were devoted to fellowship and that idea of Fellowship is really interesting because it's a word that's very churchy isn't it theow yeah yeah or toen The Fellowship of the Ring but that Word Fellowship essentially means a joining of Hearts over holding something in common and uh I think without that sense of church being a place where we hold something in common and we we lose church and it becomes just a service to attend rather than a community it's really interesting the when when we came out of coid we opened up our church space one of our church spaces is a former Cafe kind of thing brilliant third space but we called that common space and we just invited the local community in to reconnect so it's just it's just coffees food it's like kind of youth club for the whole family and it's kind of wild because there's a real diversity there's often you know a group of refugees are in there there's a group of CH moms with kids there's a group of Youth there's older people there's people of different nationalities and races but in that common space that's where Fellowship happens that's where hearts are joined and and and I think you know without having um a sense of what do we hold in common so I think common space a a common sense of purpose and but but in that early church in Acts there was a sharing you know that's something that again I think as we've become wealthier we haven't necessarily become more generous that's true yeah um and I think I think actually if we want to be rich in friendships we need to learn to be generous to share now I'm one of six right which means I have an inbuilt distrust of others because like when food was on the table and there's six of you yeah yeah law the law is you snooze you lose right yeah so so the idea of sharing ain't big but but actually our our world as we become more wealthy we haven't learned to share more yeah and we we like the idea for example of the government red Distributing you know we like the idea of uh of the government paying for refugees we like the idea of the government paying for this or that but actually when it comes to will you and I invest our time and money in giving to others that becomes a whole another world right people who think that the government should you know take better care of refugees should take better care of the elderly homeless people but then won't vote to pay more taxes to do so yeah yeah there's a disconnect there right yeah yeah yeah almost like somehow there's the Father Christmas of tax who's going to pay for that it's going to sort of magically appear isn't it yeah yeah and what we see in the book of Acts is that it says that God's grace acts four says this God's grace was so strong on them that there wasn't any needy amongst them yeah and I think you know we we of I study political philosophy people always think about KL marks and from each according to his ability to each according to his need it's actually ripped off in the book of Acts you know actually people who had gave and there was no needy amongst them now also it's it's it's kind of balanced by the idea that actually it's not endorsing laziness because there's even scripture saying if you're not willing to to work while you eating kind of thing like don't support people who are choosing to be lazy in but actually a commonality of realizing that the resources I have might be needed by someone else I have responsibility and again the generosity is not just about finances but it says I have a responsibility towards others yeah and I think we can talk a good game about Community but unless we see that I mean it's one of the reasons I love visiting your house cuz your house you never know who stay that I don't like one child leaves to go to university and you realize I hope they like uni because they're their their room but this really built Community I know Fridays at your house you know you built this big Pizza Oven outside and then you built this big outdoor kitchen area because you know that people come together over food yeah and you're not waiting for someone else to instigate Community you're doing it and you're paying for it you know you're buying the chicken you're buying the you know it's but it's that realization that you've got space you got a home you got some Financial resource and actually other people can then form Community around you yeah and communities have Lynch pins don't they yeah they do and it's and it the thing about it it is with both with friendships with communities and Gathering people it doesn't have to be a formal thing we don't have to label it or name it you know I know that churches have Community groups small groups house groups you know whatever we want to call them and that's maybe another conversation what I'm just talking about here is just using what you've got to create space for friends and and developing that yourself without labeling it without being asked to by a leader do you mind leading this small group over here is not the same thing as I'm just going to throw some burgers on the barbie and invite some guys R and see what happens you know and um if one person shows up we'll have a great time if 10 people show up we'll have a chaotic time but we'll have a good time somehow and we'll we'll be intentional in this um but it I think it's super important you know you yeah an englishman's home is his castle is not a great phrase I don't think you know it's it's uh it's it's not a helpful analogy and my world is particularly into cultural where we are in London we're an Intercultural church and you just see how hospitality is so important in cultures in a way sadly in which often in British culture it's a bit a bit lacking yeah the idea that that that actually just opening up what I have and sharing it with others is really key but I guess one one of the other things just kind of wrenching it back to Friendship a bit because I'm really really struck is we stop building friendships when we lack self-awareness so here's the thing I typically hear so I typically hear I I'm lonely people say and I just can't build friendships you know it's and and what's often actually happening and particularly in guys who are my age and your age you know they hit 4550 or they hit 40 and um and actually the way that we build friendships changes as we age and this is really important because sometimes like you know when you and I became friends when we were at University we both studied art subjects which meant we we can spend till 3 in the morning chatting nonsense yeah me beating you at risk you crying it's very true apart from one time I did have one win I just want to point that out but what happens is we build bu close friendships then but then when you're 30 and you got two kids you can't build friendships that way if you're not self-aware you say there's a problem and that problem must be church or it must be other people or well the reality is just that the nature of friendships changes in different seasons of life and when you're 30 just showing up you know you go if you're 30 with two young kids just showing up without vomit on you as a as a WI um that's true and actually friendships might look like a snatched coffee but if we're still thinking that friendships have to look like they did back then then we really lack self-awareness and I think as soon as that happens nobody can ever measure up to that because if I meet people and think about my friendship with you and I think right I want them to fit to build it I want if if they're going to be my friend it's going to working that way yeah I want to just end up disillusion because that was the time and season of my life that's not there yeah but it's like what does it mean to build friendship in this season yeah life um what does and again I think it's that openness thing it's that it's that being open to friendships looking different yeah it is and I think it's super powerful but I think it you're totally right I if you are a Christian man and listening to this and you are not invested in your friendships I really think you need to change your thinking on that and obviously this apply I mean we're talking two blogs together but this applies to women as well you know um I think it's so important that you maintain and develop good friendships and I think for men they you you know your wife is is an awesome person but I think you need good male friends around you as well um and I I I think you should invest time in and energy in that uh same if you're not I mean if you're not a Christian you should still have good friends I'm not saying that you're exempt but I think as Christians we need to model what that looks like um because we should be we should be okay I think uh we probably aren't but we should be okay with being you know open and vulnerable and praying for each other and not judging one another and not feeling like I can't say this because they they're going to think I'm an absolute lunatic um but actually just bearing our hearts being true to ourselves in terms of you know just not trying to hide anything you know not trying to be something that I'm not one of the things I've always valued about our friendship um apart from the fact we always laugh whenever we get together and the banter is just ridiculous and it's just fun um but it's that if I'm doing something stupid I know full well you're going to come to me and go Matt you are being stupid and you need to stop and here's why you're being I love you bro but you're being stupid right um and I I really appreciate that I also appreciate the fact that if I'm not being a great husband I know full well that my wife will call you she'll call Dave Connelly she'll call Simon and a few other people and go he's being a prep with inside of five minutes I guarantee you I'm going to have phone calls going Matt why you being a prep Jo mean and there's there's something quite safeguarding about that yeah I our Greek friends so Annie became a Christian uh as a as a as a kid and then so you don't know Annie is tona's wife and then but then recommitted partly largely through these two Greek sisters Maria and path and they have this phrase that I love uh when you eat watermelon with them they Chuck a bit of Sal on it and they always say a bit of salt brings out the sweetness of the watermelon and I love that because in our friendship sometimes it's the little salty parts that actually bring out the depth of those friendships and willing to say hard things and you know I think you can really and again it's it's modeled in Jesus he says you know to at one point you know he's like do I have to keep repeating this don't you get it like he says his disciples like you're slow to hear you know what part of this don't you get and Jesus was incredibly loving but he was ready to say the difficult things yeah and I think unless unless we have friendships where people can tell us the hard things then I think those friendships aren't really very real like they're quite superficial aren't they yeah and and I think that's partly how we become isolated because no one can tell you you're wrong yeah and we've seen it in political leaders sometimes you can see them heading down a course and you think why isn't anyone told you or the classic isn't it it's the uh the uh pop Idol X Factor type thing where someone goes on there now I can't sing like if I sing it sounds like someone's torturing cats now what's good is that my friends take out of like the worship band in our old church said to to me please don't stand so close to the front you're sending worship man out of time and CH like one of them said that to me right and in fact I was in in rural South Africa and a guy said do they have clapping where you're from and I was like yeah of course well you don't seem familiar with that I'm no good at music stuff but I know it but you know we've all seen that X Factor audition or whatever where somebody has been hyped up by their friends and the judges RI them to shreds and you think and your friends didn't tell you yeah gu know part of the plea is we need to be able to be bluntly and even ugly with the truth at times yeah and I think that's such an important thing and again in a in a in a culture that wants to Center ourselves as superheroes at the center of every narrative like it's quite normal now you go see a therapist and they tell you anybody who doesn't make you feel good about yourself remove them from your life yeah they're toxic people yeah the and like that really destroys Community because I know that the biggest hindrance to me building good Community is me yeah it's my selfishness it's um I have this phrase and I I I always like to remind myself and I remind others about it but you're someone else's Nightmare and unless we realize that the biggest obstacle in this is often ourselves um then I think we struggle to build community and friendship there's a a a big thought and this is something that that is one of those things you know kind of there are verses of scripture you live by um and for me the start of one John chapter one where John basically says if we walk in the light as he is in the light we had fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all unrighteousness what I see in that is that if I want to walk in communion with Christ if I want to walk with Jesus his light fills my life now when it's when the light comes in that illuminates All of My Life The Good the Bad and the Ugly yeah that light can sting right I mean you you what's our response to the light coming on you know I grew up in a home with cockroaches in which wasn't particularly pleasant but when you would switch the light on the roaches would Scamper and you see them in the middle of night you go toilet the roaches would Scamper like a moth runs to the light yeah and a roach runs from it and you know big choice for all of us bro are you a moth or a roach because we walk in the light as he is in the light and we have fellowship with one another it's interesting that Word Fellowship is about the joining of Hearts about openness so in other words as I follow Jesus and allow his light to shine in my life I open my life to others and then it says and the blood of Jesus cleanses us so I do believe there's a thing that if we want to follow Jesus with Open Hearts we need to be open with others and I believe that's partly about the confession of sin that if I live my life in the light of Jesus I'll connect with others and then that defeat sin in my life how well because I'm not hiding what's wrong in my life yeah but also that sense of confession and you know I you know I'm not a Catholic we um we don't need to confess sins for forgiveness but we should confess sin for our own good yeah so I don't need to go to a priest to have my sins absolved Jesus has done that but actually I need to confess sins to friends I need to confess wrongdoings I need to confess my fears my insecurities because as I do it bu builds emotional health yeah it it it it deals with those dark Corners you know we we and and I think there's something in that you know what does it mean to walk in the light of Jesus it means that we have a joining of hearts with others we have fellowship with them and the blood of Jesus cleanses us and I think that is such a huge thing you know and part of that you know in a good sense it's confession but in a bad sense it's provoked by somebody pointing out yeah the Need For Change yeah and that's that's the power of it isn't That's The Power of friendship and I think that's the power of accountability accountability and friendship is a big thing uh friends that you can be accountable with friends that will call stuff out in you and friends that will work with you when walk with you when times are tough and hard you know um when they see you in need and they take what they've got and they give it to you not necessarily was money but just in terms of life in terms of time in terms of energy in terms of encouragement you know there's the whole aspect of that isn't there and I think yeah mate I'm aware of time uh we've been chatting for about 50 minutes um and it just goes by a million miles an hour don't it you just aware of it so listen bro appreciate you coming on appreciate you appreciate our friendship uh and it's it's good that we're still friends um I'm a gracious guy yeah but you know I'm actually still in awe of the fact that earlier on you gave the example of buying Sky Sports to build community and your wife believed that as I'm thinking like I'd try that but my wife just isn't that gullible wow I can't believe you just called Sharon gullible I don't I don't think he meant it babe she's going to kick your butt later brilliant brilliant absolutely awesome well listen T you're an absolute Legend thanks for coming on and thank you for joining us today on the crowd Church non live live stream make sure you like And subscribe to what's going on next week we will be back with our usual live stream Services I have no idea who's hosting have no idea who's speaking I probably should have figured that out before we start talking but this is why I don't do the administration but it's going to be good whatever it is it's going to be good uh and do stay connected with us tone you're a legend love you everybody else you're awesome created awesome it's just a burden you have to bear Tony sometimes Bears it I bear it all the time but you definitely bear it h so we'll see you uh next week that's it from me and time bye for now God bless you thank you so much for joining us here at crowd church and before you dash off uh here are some other crowd Church videos that you will enjoy Bo so be sure to check them out and make sure you also hit the Subscribe button and that little bell notification uh to get notified when we are live and why not come join us next week uh as we carry on our quest to discover how Jesus really does help us live a more meaningful life now if you haven't done so already check out our website www.crowdrise.com and also how to connect into our church community and we you that if you haven't done so already sign up to the newsletter as well we'll send all of this good stuff every week direct to your inbox now let me tell you it's been awesome it's been really great to connect with you thank you so much for joining us hopefully we will see you next time God bless you bye for now